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Beauty Is Perhaps a Matter of Distance
Skin, hair, shadow, texture. A closer look at beauty, where the smallest details matter and being seen means letting your guard down.
In conversation with
‘Beauty means confidence to me.’ On imperfect faces, getting older and the curious difficulty of opting out of beauty altogether.
TEXT by IRÈNE SCHÄPPI
PHOTO COURTESY OF ELAY NEAL MOSES
Conversation
At sixteen, Elay Neal Moses spent a great deal of time on Tumblr, reblogging male models he couldn’t quite decide whether he wanted to look like or date. Today he works as a photographer and director, and helped build the magazine AkutMag. He describes himself as a sensitive observer, and says he’s actually quite funny once he’s thawed out. These days he’s rather more interested in confidence than perfection.
Chapter I — Self Desire
Irène
Does beauty come from inside, or from other people?
Elay
For a long time, a lot of it was tied to appearances, and it had a lot to do with envy and my own insecurity. Today beauty means confidence to me. It comes from somewhere deep inside and radiates outwards. Once you reach a point of confidence and contentment, a great deal changes within you.
Even if confidence is supposed to come from within, I think there’s almost nothing more beautiful than an unexpected compliment, whether it’s from my boyfriend or from a stranger on the street. It’s especially lovely when nothing is expected and it simply comes from genuine kindness, whether it’s about my outfit or the way I look.
Irène
At sixteen, Tumblr gave you quite a lot to compare yourself with. What did that do to the way you saw yourself?
Elay
I used to look left and right far more often and think: if only I had XYZ too. For a long time I didn’t appreciate the way I look, or that this is exactly part of what makes me who I am. You don’t see yourself the way others see you. Most of the time, all you have is your own critical eye.
That faded with age. At some point you stop falling into that toxic pattern and spend the time learning to love yourself instead. Sport helped me enormously in building confidence.
And I don’t hold it against myself that I went through that insecure phase. When you’re sixteen and constantly on Tumblr reblogging male models, how are you supposed to stay completely relaxed? As a gay man, there’s an extra question: do I want to be like him, or do I want him? The line between the two can be pretty blurred.
Chapter II — Care
Irène
When does taking care of yourself stop feeling good and start feeling like work?
Elay
When you’re chasing ideals that are exhausting and unrealistic to reach. That’s work. My relationship with sport is good because I go when I feel like it and have the time. It’s no longer a must, it’s a want. At some point your perspective shifts, and then it should be fun.
Irène
You’re approaching thirty with rather more enthusiasm than dread. What changed?
Elay
Actually, it’s rather rewarding. It feels good to look after yourself. In your twenties you often just drift along: you drink, you smoke, and somehow everything still works. Then, as thirty gets closer, you suddenly notice that something has changed. The first fine lines appear, the drinks stay with you longer.
I also want to live a long and healthy life. Your priorities shift, and you want to prove something to yourself, especially because so many people say it’s all downhill with age. I want it to go uphill for me.
The only stress, sometimes, comes from having to work your way through all the offers without being taken for a ride. Finding your way through that jungle of promises is pretty exhausting.
Irène
And where is the line between discipline and taking the pleasure out of it?
Elay
I’m a Taurus, and we’re supposedly big on pleasure. I notice that in myself too. There were rarely moments when I thought: now you’re overdoing it. Sometimes I even wished I had a little more discipline. And yet I still reached my goals. If I’d been too strict with myself, I’d have taken away the fun and the lightness, and probably slipped back into old habits sooner. Slow and steady wins the race. In the end, you simply have to be kind to yourself.
Irène
Which beauty or self-improvement habit do you now look at critically?
Elay
There was a time when I got up earlier every morning to put on make-up. Looking back, I wonder whether it actually looked good, and whether it did my skin any good, especially as I barely bothered with skincare back then. I always felt I had dark circles and tried desperately to cover them up. I didn’t actually have any.
There are lots of moments like that, which you look back on later and simply think: oh well. We’ll see which of today’s habits I’ll one day look back on the same way.
Irène
Which parts of the current wellness boom actually convince you? And which do you consider bogus?
Elay
Anything natural that doesn’t need major intervention. I’m trying red light therapy at the moment for redness and eczema, a method that has been scientifically studied and feels uncomplicated. I also believe in regular sauna sessions, long walks, a normal moisturiser and plenty of water. All the things that simply make sense.
But I am suspicious of the whole high-protein trend. Often I can’t even tell any more what’s actually good and what’s in these products, because suddenly every brand is jumping on the bandwagon. Having to play detective as a consumer gets on my nerves.
Chapter III — Looking
Irène
You work with images for a living. Are you any better at resisting them now?
Elay
As a teenager I was a bundle of insecurity, self-doubt and a constant urge to improve myself. I wanted to be taller, stronger, cooler. I compared myself with everyone and everything. It wasn’t a nice time. Sometimes I wish the person I am now could have given the person I was then a little of that love.
I’m much more secure today. But I’d be lying if I said none of it gets to me. I’d still love to be 180 cm or taller. And sometimes I see someone who seems to be living the perfect life and think for a second: damn, what am I doing wrong? Then I remind myself that I might be exactly that person for someone else.
What I find almost funniest is that I love it when things aren’t perfect. Rough edges, something a bit odd. That’s what makes people and things interesting. So why shouldn’t I love that in myself too? It’s quite paradoxical, really.
Social media sometimes makes me feel smaller than I am. There’s always something more beautiful, bigger, better. In those moments I come back to what I really have: love, freedom, health. None of that is a given.
As a photographer and director, Elay now makes the kind of images he once consumed by the hour. He knows the loop well: you look at other people, imagine yourself differently and eventually learn to distrust the comparison. What draws him now are the rough edges, the things slightly out of place. Confidence, as he describes it, still leaves room for vanity. It simply knows when to ignore it.
Chapter IV — Aging
Irène
You sound almost enthusiastic about getting older. What do you see when you look at someone visibly ageing?
Elay
I love it. There’s almost nothing more beautiful in life than being allowed to grow old. We need to change the way we look at it. Growing older isn’t a given. It’s almost a privilege.
Of course I understand that you can feel thirty inside while you’re eighty, and sometimes wish you were young again. That’s exactly why we should simply enjoy ourselves while we’re young. And there are two older gentlemen at my gym whose bodies and fitness are genuinely incredible. I’m amazed every time I see them. Absolute role models.
Irène
And yet beauty still buys an extraordinary amount of attention. How easy is it really to opt out?
Elay
he way someone treats other people. Character traits, values, moral convictions. We all know that one person who’s very attractive on the outside but actually rather disappointing. And still we fall under their spell.
Beauty rules the world, however aware we are. In the end we’re a bit like magpies, drawn to anything that glitters. Beauty brings attention, jobs, followers. That keeps us all on the hamster wheel, because nobody really gets off. To properly get out, you need a resolute drop-out mentality, and people around you who back it.
Irène
If a magazine wants to take beauty seriously, what should it be willing to talk about?
Elay
Perhaps ugliness. We stay quiet about it surprisingly often. What actually makes someone ugly? What do we find ugly in ourselves? Ugliness sometimes seems almost like the illegitimate daughter driven out of the village. I think a more open conversation about it could even do beauty some good.
I’d also like fewer mixed signals. When I read in one issue how beautiful ageing can be, and three pages later see an ad for an anti-ageing cream, that doesn’t work for me. I miss a clear stance, a real position. I understand that media need funding. But these contradictions are multiplying. A lot of it feels like a copy of a copy. Sometimes I miss the courage to be original.
Irène
After all of that, what do beauty and wellbeing mean to you now?
Elay
Beauty can be my boyfriend’s heartfelt laugh, or the way water glistens in the midday sun, but it can also mean muscles to some and a hairy chest to others. I think it’s in everything, but it’s up to each of us to define it for ourselves.
Wellbeing, to me, means exactly what it says: being well. Taking care of yourself. That can be a piece of cake on a bad day, but also a healthy, protein-rich salad after a workout. It means a lot to me today, and I think it’s something you can shape and change, as long as you narrate it yourself and don’t let anyone else direct it.
This interview was conducted in writing for the Super Flattering Beauty Index 2026. The Index appeared IN SUPER FLATTERING PRINT ISSUE N°01 / SUMMER 2026.
